In Victorian times courtship was a very different affair for each young person based on social class. Upper middle class and wealthier men sought to increase their personal worth by marrying into a family with a least equivalent wealth. This was because upon marriage in the United Kingdom and in America
In Victorian times courtship was a very different affair for each young person based on social class. Upper middle class and wealthier men sought to increase their personal worth by marrying into a family with a least equivalent wealth.
This was because upon marriage in the United Kingdom and in America all of the wealth that women obtained became her husband's property. Any wealth that she would inherit at the time of her parent's death would also be his assets all of the wealth that women obtained became her husband's property. Any wealth that she would inherit at the time of her parent's death would also be his assets.
Young women in the upper strata also wanted to maintain the lifestyle they had grown up in and for which they had been groomed to live.
Women from wealthier homes were groomed during childhood to grow up to be social assets to their husbands. She was expected to be competent in the social graces, dance, sing, and speak French. She was to be refined in conversation about matters of what we would consider 'pop culture 'today. She was expected to be a polite listener, but not outspoken on any matter of any substance.
Learning to work in and out of the elaborate levels of etiquette expected of the dutiful wife was almost a full time job. Girls early on had to learn what was expected of them in social circles in order to make a good marriage. Women in the lower classes were spared this ordeal.
When a girl was seventeen or eighteen she was given a coming out party. This social debut meant that she was ready to start the formalized act of courting. The social season ran from April till early fall. A girl's family would sponsor a party or if she was wealthy enough a ball. The young girl would get a whole new wardrobe for the season and spend it at various parties under the watchful eye of her mother or other married female chaperone. Young girls could only be introduced to certain gentlemen by a mutual friend. The goal was for a girl to fill her dance card with a number of potential suitors and not to narrow her interest too soon to just one.
Gentlemen were expected not to dance with more than one girl three times. They were also considered gentlemanly if the gave charity dances to the less attractive girls. It is doubtful that most girls found a suitable potential husband over the course of one social season so it was really her opportunity to shop around and enjoy the company of her female friends.
As time passed girls could start talking with and taking walks with suitors of interest to them. Most girls moved on to this next level of courtship after careful consultations with their family, because leading someone on were considered social suicide.
In daytime and less formal outings a girl left her calling card. In the case of a younger girl she would leave a card with her mother's name listed first. This would indicate that while starting to court, she was still going to be on the social scene looking over several different suitors.
As a girl's age advanced she could take strolls and attend the theatre and opera with a serious suitor. These encounters were a little less strict as the chaperones were usually another young married couple or a slightly older married cousin or sibling.
When a suitor was serious, both his parents and the potential bride's parent's started negotiations. If a girl was looking to marry up into higher social strata, then a large dowry was an enticement. If boy was looking to marry up he had to accept the fact that the girl's family would protect some of her personal wealth by setting up a trust administer by someone looking out for her affairs solely. Couples of the same financial background did not spend so much time concerned with these affairs.
Still, sometimes suitors were rejected on the basis of having fudged about bank account
or not been truthful about their family's reputation. Most local families would know each other, but a young man trying to make mark in the world by marrying up might for it more suitable to move into social circles in a far away town. It was a women's family duty to make sure that her bow was acceptable on all levels.
Suitors were considered cads if they broke off a potential engagement. Women were not free agents in these affairs and there was little chance that men could be deceived by young girls who had little knowledge or control over their financial affairs. Dowries were pretty much straight forward and they would be acceptable to a suitor or not.
The engagement officially took place when the man asked the girls father for permission to marry his daughter. This was always obtained after the girl had accepted the offer. It was more of a left over in earlier times when all marriages were arranged. Still there were a few couples who married against their parents wishes, losing the financial gains from the bride to the groom.
When an engagement was arranged, the girls' mother would host a dinner party, to officially meet the groom's family. It was after this event took place that the engaged couple could announce their engagement officially to friends and mort distant family. Engagements generally lasted d between six months and two years, depending on the finances that needed to be gathered for a wedding and to set up housekeeping.
The girl was given a ring, sometimes a family heirloom. Grooms could receive engagement rings as well, but it was not required. The type of ring used as an engagement ring varied from simple bands with no stones to rings with multiple colored stones. Many times the rings were engraved. Diamonds became a popular choice for engagement rings at the end of the Victorian era.
Engaged couples enjoyed much more freedom than other couples. They could walk together an acceptable distance apart, attend social gatherings without chaperones, and sit together alone and talk in the parlor. Still at the end of the evening they went their separate ways and did not cause talk by being overtly affectionate.
The working class and lower classes tried to mimic some of the courtship practices of the other classes. Getting enough money to afford to take a wife was a huge burden to many young men. Working class families did not have dowries to offer and many times their daughters worked in factories to give money to their families. Having their daughters married off was not necessarily a financial advantage.
Still churches and young people organizations held dances and the working class youth filled their dance card. With rules much less strict young people were encouraged to visit each other at home and play parlor games or take evening strolls. Group picnics and other social outing were encouraged.
Men were many times older than the bride's they chose because they had to make enough money to support a wife. Still most really lower class men were not expected to support a stay at home wife. They had to have enough money to provide lodgings suitable for a married couple.
Several family members living in one room was a circumstance that many young working girls in cities had to face. The chance to live somewhere less crowded was an enticement to many a working girls to marry.
Romantic love was idealized by the Victorians, and a look at letters and diaries from the time show that despite all the social and economic matters involved in courtship and marriage, most people married for love.
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