It was common for middle class Victorian men to be displayed in the black suits which they wore for Church or special occasions. It would not be uncommon for a deceased middle class housewife to be displayed in the morning clothes of widows weed and crepe that she wore in life to mourn the passing of her relations. Younger women tended to be displayed in white. It was acceptable to bury children in the best clothes they had and with flowers in their hands.
Funeral Flowers In Parlor: Public Domain
Victorian church women many times urged the wealthier to donate funeral coats to poor families burying children as not to deprive a living child of a needed coat. It seems strange to us a new coat would be given to a living child while a living child was given the coat of a dead child. This did not seem strange to a poor Victorian mother, because she expected to lose at least one child and it was expected she honor the dead child or be accused of being heartless. Many poor families saved for the funeral expenses of their children, at the expense of the quality of life all the household.
Very poor grieving women who had lost a child or provider had to suffer the additional indignity of begging among her neighbors, relatives, and church for the funds to provide a modest funeral for her loved one. Certainly, even the poorest head on household was seen as a poor father and husband if he had not prepared for death that would inevitably visit his household. Trade organizations, ethnic groups, and discreet church funds saved many a poor or working class family from the public humiliation of having to beg for funds to take care of their dead (Hellish, 2010).
Wakes were held in Victorian homes in order to make sure that the deceased was truly dead and would not 'wake' from coma. A relative was posted at the side of the casket. Wakes as social events could last up to four days and the family was relieved of doing the chores of daily life and the preparation of food by friends and neighbors. All blood relations and those related by marriage were expected to show their respect by wearing various degrees of mourning garb.
In general the more closely related a person was who had passed the greater degree of public mourning was expected. Women were in general expected to mourn longer and go to greater means to dress the part. Generally, Aunts, uncles and cousins were expected to wear a degree of mourning garb publically for at least. Relations in other towns that could not attend the funeral were also expected to make a public display of mourning (Levins, 2005)
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Funeral Photography: The girl is deceased in this photo
A widower was expected to remove himself from public life for a matter on months and in general could get away with wearing mourning armbands. The garb of the middle class husband was normally black anyway and his need to conduct business made his seclusion was public life impractical (Hellish, 2010).
Men were expected to mourn the passing of their wives for at least a year. If the need to have a household kept or presence of small children made his quick remarriage a necessity, the new wife was expected to show deep mourning for the deceased wife for the first at least a year. The reentrance of the family as a whole into social circles was kept for nearly two years an an elaborate system of leaving calling cards was instituted to make sure the surviving household members did not appear frivolous (Hellish, 2010.
Things like attending the theater, parties other than weddings and baptism, and gardening clubs were off limits to all adult household members for a year. Older widows and widower may have been excused from social niceties till the time of their death. Many older women simply never shed the last of the mourning garb, but it is unlikely any kept 'full 'morning garb. Many doctors urged melodramatic Victorian widows to put aside long periods of morning garb where they wore crepe or long veils as it was believed it caused respiratory and vision problems. Very wealthy families decked out their servants in mourning wear they were expected to wear as long as the family 'socially' mourning (Rothman, 2005)
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There were various practices for mourning periods for children. Mothers were expected to show public displays of mourning for the loss of a child for at least a year. Fathers tended to observe the mourning period according to religious or community practice. Even middle class families were hard pressed to come up expensive clothing and mourning adornments for the loss of a child. It was very common for household to lose many children and to have births in households, that Widow's weeds, veils of crepe, and other elaborate accessories were not practical. Many a resourceful housewife would simply dye the family's wardrobe in black; unfortunately, this black dye often came off on the skin of the mourner (Levins, 2005)
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Experts in child rearing at the time urged middle class and upper class families to not rear their children to be in a constant dark mood, by easing the degree of mourning that the young needed to display publicly. It was considered emotionally unhealthy to keep the young in a household in black or away from social activities.
Certainly in poor urban families where children worked in factories and on farms it would have been impossible for families to afford any garb apart from that they wore day to day (Hellish, 2010.
Victorian mourning in an average Midwestern farming community would have differed greatly from that that occurred in the middle class or upper class urban home. The showing of the dead would occur in the parlor and not an ornate funeral chapel.
There would be no elaborate parade of black carriages pulled by horses wearing black plumes. A trip for a funeral in the local church and burial in the church graveyard was the norm. Social displays of mourning would be limited to church gatherings or a disruption in business for a merchant in small farm town. Elaborate obituary with flowery Victorian language would appear for the most common citizen in local paper (Rothman, 2005).
When photography became more common and affordable after the civil war, death photography was all the rage with good artist being able to make the deceased appeared lifelike. Decomposition occurred quickly as most people did not have bodies embalmed until after the turn of the century. The deceased may also have looked grotesques after an accident or long illness, but Victorian photographers were not above painting on eyes or adding color to the picture of the dearly departed. Even the poorest families found the money to take pictures of children who passed because many times there were no pictures of the child in life. These pictures are still strangely endearing today (Levins, 2005)
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Lastly, superstitions may have played a role at side of the deceased in the most common Victorian home. Bodies were carried out feet first to keep the deceased spirit from looking back and taking another family member with them. Mirrors were covered with black crepe and pictures placed face down to keep the deceased from entering the reflection of the living or to keep their spirit from wanting to stay in the home among loved ones (Hellish, 2010)
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